Since Captain ILL was frozen over a month ago, I've had many inquiries about the poor fellow as well as many offers of assistance throughout the superhero community. Unfortunately, the Captain remains in a hydrated state, despite the best efforts of the maddest, most brilliant scientists in the world. However, while cleaning up a bit in the ILL cave recently (Captain ILL was much too busy to keep a clean workspace), I came across a beat-up old journal that detailed Captain ILL's first steps on the path of a superhero! Although the volume is a bit bloodstained, and there's a two-inch laser hole burned through it, I will attempt to fill in the pieces with my own memories from the many times I've sat and listened to the Captain tell me about his many fantastic adventures, and share some of Captain ILL's early escapades here on this blog. So for everyone out there desparate for more Captain ILL, here is the first entry in the diary of the greatest man I know.
Dear diary,
I tripped over the garbage can again this morning and it hurt like the dickens! I'll have to find a better spot for it I suppose. I had raisin bran for breakfast. Not exactly the Breakfast of Champions, but close enough. I drove to work at ---- (I've removed any references to anything that could compromise Captain ILL's secret identity, ed.) and got a pretty good parking place. I think I've finally worked out the perfect system for finding a good spot. (Here the Captain goes on at length detailing his parking system. I haven't included it because of it's limited usefulness, and because I'm not sure that Captain ILL would want this secret revealed, ed.) I spent most of the day doing ---- and ---- but I also did a bit of ----. Then I came home and ate dinner and watched ---- on TV. Boy! I sure am glad I picked up this diary so I can record all these important events. I think I'll go out for a drive later before turning in. That deserted highway out near ---- seems like a nice place for a late night drive ...
to be continued ...
3 comments:
It's obvious. Captain ILL is on special assignment working on the economic stimulus package by booting the backsides of bank executives until they finally get the message.
If only that were true! Even if Captain ILL managed to get his boots on in his liquid form, he would just leak out through the holes in the toes (his boots are in need of mending from so much evil booting).
Oh no! First it was Capt. ILL, now its his friend Joe. Have the no good evil doers got you too? Will we ever hear from you again?
Say it ain't so Joe!
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