Dear ILL Answerman,
Why do things stick to the Earth instead of drifting off into space?
Neil A. in Cape Canaveral, Florida
Neil,
In olden times, everything was kept from drifting away with Velcro. Then one day a fellow named Isaac Newton couldn't take his nap because of the ripping sound from all that Velcro. So he developed the Law of Universal Gravitation that keeps everything in place by kind of sucking it downwards ... sort of like a vacuum cleaner but without all the noise. He tested his new invention by sitting under an apple tree until an apple fell down and hit him on the head. Nobody really knows how gravity works these days, because when Newton died, he didn't leave any instructions.
The ILL Answerman
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4 comments:
And of course we can thank Colonel Sanders for the Law of Universal Gravy-tation, which states that everything tastes better with gravy on it. (People who eat frequently at the Colonel's also have an easier time sticking to the Earth.)
It's a good thing Colonel Sanders didn't develop the Law of Universal Gravy-tation until long after Newton's death, or Sir Isaac would have been pretty upset with the near-copyright infringement.
While we're on the topic of Colonel Sanders, I haven't been to a KFC for years and refuse to go back. The last time I was there, I got one of their chicken pot pies. It looked big and hearty enough until I cut into it and discovered a couple of tablespoons or so of chicken filling. It was like a miniature empty Kingdome.
BowlingWidow will visit the Colonel every now and then but not me.
Bowlingjoe, you might want to give the Colonel another chance. Next time you go in, walk up to the counter, blink five times while patting your head, draw a square on the counter, and say "tubalcain". These super-secret rituals will ensure you get exemplary service and only the best food.
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