When "The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons In History" crossed the Captain's desk, he was far too modest to think he would be in the number one spot. He supposed that he would probably place around third or fourth so he was stupefied when he couldn't find any mention of himself anywhere in this 556 page book. Some fella named "Isaac Newton" grabbed second place and a "Jesus Christ" came in third. Even Ernest Rutherford (presumably the father of Lumpy on Leave It to Beaver) gets the number 56 spot. However, Captain ILL can take solace in the fact that at least that ratfink Superman didn't make the cut either.
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Personally, I think it's due to Captain ILL being out of the news cycle for nearly three years. Should he choose to have more of a public presence I suspect that he'll be ranked in somewhere in the top 30% easily in the next edition of the book.
Mr. Clark, The Captain wants to thank you for your support, but suggests that you change your last name. For some reason it reminds him of Superman ...
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