Interlibrary Loan of the day

How to Discipline With Love (From Crib to College) seems to be a book about disciplining with love. In it, the author goes on at length about how disciplining with love is a good idea, and gives various techniques that might be useful if you decide that you'd like to try disciplining with love. There isn't anything in there about disciplining with hatred, or even a section on disciplining with ambivalence. There are lots of sections about disciplining with love though, so if that's your thing, you might want to check it out.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you probably have noticed that Captain ILL has no use for evil, except as a place to plant his boot. It should come as no surprise then, that titles like The Beautiful Side of Evil get him all riled up. Sure, evil can be beautiful; there have been many times that a sinister femme fatale has attempted to seduce Captain ILL (they are usually easy to spot since they invariably carry a cigarette holder and speak with a foreign accent). But evil shouldn't be glamourized; especially since most evil-doers are so ugly that they have to wear a mask even in their secret identity. Evil was put on this planet for one purpose and one purpose only: to be booted!

Interlibrary Loan of the Friday

Captain ILL was discussing this title, Don't Read This Book If You're Stupid, with Sergeant ILL before the book even arrived. She posed an interesting question which left the Captain a bit stumped: how do you know if you're stupid? Everyone knows that IQ tests are biased against mutants and other minorities, so testing doesn't help. Of course everyone is always telling Captain ILL what an idiot he is, but they're all morons so their opinion hardly counts. The Captain does know how to read, and can do enough arithmetic to pay the bill in a restaurant, though he sometimes has to remove his shoes and socks to have enough digits to count on to figure out the tip. He's never embarrassed by this though, since there are always several other guys doing the same thing. So what makes a person stupid? Captain ILL doesn't know, and he wasn't able to glean any clues from this book since he erred on the side of caution and didn't open it.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Mink is one of those manga books that starts in the back and ends in the front. If that weren't confusing enough, you also have to read each page from right to left in order to avoid becoming hopelessly confused. Captain ILL became pretty confused anyway even though there are lots of pictures. He's going to assume that the confusion is a result of his not being a pre-teen girl, and not because of some mental deficiency on his part. Here's what the back (front) cover has to say: "When Mink accidentally picks up a mysterious CD from the future, shs upgrades into a virtual pop idol version of herself! Discovered as the next "it" girl, she's got the Cyber World at her feet. However, she can't blow her cover - or else she'll be deleted!" Is Captain ILL the only one who finds this incomprehensible?

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Audacious: Ivy's Story is a tragic tale in the Brides of Wildcat County series. The North Olympic Library System's barcode is obscuring the back cover summary, so Captain ILL will try to fill in the pieces. The young heroine, Ivy Nesbitt, has had her reputation shattered so she decides to go to California. Here she meets a fellow with the unlikely name of Justus Calhoun. Justus Calhoun is apparently a dashing young man, but he's no Jamie Rayburne, Ivy's first love and the man who ruined her reputation in the first place, who has apparently come to California as well. "How can Ivy choose between her old love and her new?" Unfortunately, the answer must be underneath the barcode, so let's just say she dumps them both, puts on a costume, and becomes a superheroine. Why don't all stories have a happy ending like that?

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Magical Melons is the ILL of today. Captain ILL was so offended by this title, that he couldn't bring himself to put the cover image up, or even look at it. This sort of degrading nomenclature infuriates the Captain, and he can't imagine why Ms. Brink, the author, would write such filth. Here are a few scandalous quotes from the back page: "The high-spirited Caddie is back with her lively siblings for some amusing escapades." and "You'll hear of ... a poor girl revealing a surprising talent" and finally "Magical Melons is sure to capture your attention". Unacceptable! To top it all off is an endorsement from a notorious literary magazine:

"The writing is fresh and the homely happenings ring true ..."
-The New Yorker

Don't read this book, and to be safe, don't read the New Yorker either!

A New Era ...

Now that all this 20 for 2.0 business is over with (thanks to Bowlingwidow for helping me out with the last few assignments), it's time for me to face the facts and acknowledge that this really isn't Joe's Blog anymore. Somewhere along the line, Captain ILL grabbed the reins and ran with them, and all I had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride. So this is now officially Captain ILL's blog, as it always has been. I will continue to serve as the Captain's editor and spokesman, but all fiscal, administrative, and creative responsibilities will be in the Captain's hands.

Ciao!

Joe

# 20 Relax & speglar (färdigställande)

Jag lyckades göra # 20 och kan se hur det skulle komma i praktiskt för vissa människor.

# 19 Peli

Olen onnistunut, # 19 ja voi nähdä, miten se on kätevää, että jotkut ihmiset.

# 18 Kart og Geotagging

Jeg klarte å gjøre # 18 og kan se hvordan den ville komme i nyttig for noen mennesker.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

They Moved My Bowl is a book of dog-themed cartoons from the New Yorker. Captain ILL loves doggies, but he's not a big fan of the New Yorker. He's never actually read the New Yorker, but he figures if he can't even figure out the New Yorker cartoons, he hasn't a prayer of understanding the non-illustrated portions of the magazine. Even so, these doggy cartoons seem to be pretty understandable, if a bit unfunny. Picture a woman talking to a little doggy who seems to be ignoring her. She says, "Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house." Is Captain ILL the only one who thinks this is a bit tepid, humor-wise? Please share your opinions even if they disagree with the Captain's; he's always happy to ignore dissenting points-of-view.

Interlibrary Loan of the Friday

Before there was Star Wars, there was The Galactic Patrol. Before there were the Jedi Knights, there were the Lensmen. And before there was Luke Skywalker, there was Kimball Kinnison. Second Stage Lensmen is the fifth book in the quintessential space operatic lensman series. Captain ILL is very fond of this rip-roaring, pulpish science fiction series. Here good guys are always good, and it was always easy to tell the bad guys because they looked like bad guys. Evil always got the boot, or in this case the raygun, of justice. Lensmen were courageous, incorruptible, and supremely competent ... just like Captain ILL. And of course there were spaceships with coruscating jets, starkly improbable planet-crushing superweapons, lots of cool gadgets, but none of those sissy lightsabers.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Continuing the theme of yesterday's post, today's ILL of the day is 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks. Many superheroes, such as Spider-man, like to accompany their bashing of evil with witty repartee, but Captain ILL prefers a more professional approach. There's nothing funny about evil and to treat it lightly only encourages the scoundrels, so the Captain will usually just start bashing heads and booting behinds without even a by-your-leave. This also makes it easier to get to bed at a decent hour since he doesn't have to burn the midnight oil coming up with witty quips. All that's in the past now, of course, since this book contains enough insults, put-downs, and comebacks to get a superhero through his entire career. It's difficult to pick a sample, but here you go:

"Yo' mama is so old, she owes Jesus three bucks."

Needless to say, you should only use this against the most nefarious villains, and even then only if their mothers are particularly ancient.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

At first glance, 1,001 Secret Household Formulas & Money-$aving Tips is a book geared more toward evil megalomaniacs than superheroes. Folks like Lex Luthor or the Floronic Man are always messing around with some sort of secret formula, usually to the detriment of the human race. Because of this, secret formulas have gotten something of a bad rap in the superhero community, and there is a great deal of prejudice against lone madmen tinkering away in isolated laboratories. Hopefully this book will help alleviate some of this bigotry. It's packed full of useful formulas, but Captain ILL is most excited by this one on page 255:

Ink Eradicator:
1 Part of citric acid
2 Parts of Borax
16 Parts of distilled water

Place the citric acid and water in a medium bowl and mix well, then add the borax and mix well. Saturate the spot with the mixture and allow it to stand 2-3 minutes before removing and laundering the garment.

This will be particularly useful for Captain ILL since he's always getting Sharpie stains on his costume, and even occasionally on his jeans while he's in his secret identity. It certainly sounds much more effective than laundering the Sharpie-stained item until it fades, which was previously the only option available.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL isn't sure why he selected Bead Style: Fabulous Chunky Jewelry as the ILL of the day. It certainly can't be due to an overwhelming interest in beads. He's vaguely aware of what beads are, but he doesn't think he owns any, and there certainly aren't any incorporated in his costume. He also didn't select this book due to a limited range of choices; not with titles like: Bubbles: A Self Portrait, The Eternal Now, or Events That Shaped the World in the Twentieth Century. Captain ILL isn't silly enough to select a book as the ILL of the day just because it has a pretty girl on the cover... is he?

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Not many people know this, but Captain ILL used to be a surfer dude back in the early eighties before he heard the call of Justice. He'd get up before dawn each morning and head down to the beach where he'd spend the day searching for the gnarliest waves he could find. He was a goofy-footed surfer so he took a lot of ribbing from the kooks, but he finally had to give it up when he nearly died after getting caught in a shorepound. Unfortunately, there are no pictures of Captain ILL in Surfing Photographs From the Seventies Taken By Jeff Divine since that was before his time. Even so, there are some really awesome pictures of a bunch of tubular waves in this book, so you might want to check it out anyway.

Polystichum?

Poll closed!

First off, apologies to everyone who missed the ILL of the day Friday. Captain ILL is often doing important things in his secret identity on Fridays, and Sergeant ILL has many other duties, so it's best not to get your hopes up on Fridays.

Second, in spite of certain protestations about certain alleged ballot stuffing, the recent lightsaber poll has concluded with some interesting results. First of all, we now know that Yoda is a sore loser. We've also learned that pink lightsabers speak to an untapped demographic. If anyone out there has the ear of George Lucas, be sure and let him know how popular pink lightsabers are so he can include one or two in his next Star Wars film.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Today's ILL of the day is dedicated to David, whose mother, we've been led to believe, spends much of her time in a rocking chair like the one on the cover of this book. You'll Like My Mother is about Francesca, a young pregnant woman without any family whose husband dies in the war. With nowhere else to go, she arrives at her mother-in-laws house. From the dustcover: "The eyes that regard Francesca are a curious pale gray, almost colorless. And the greeting she extends to her daughter-in-law is cold and unfriendly. Beyond the threshold another figure cowers against the wall: a babbling, feebleminded girl with wild dark hair whom the older woman presents as Francesca's sister-in-law." Captain ILL hasn't read this book, but this sounds extremely fishy to him. He doesn't think Francesca should stick around, but what do you think?

Interlibrary Loan of the day

You Can't Send a Duck to Eagle School is a tiny little book full of tiny little sayings. The title, however, reminds Captain ILL of what the Zen master Joshu said when asked about the meaning of life:

"What's hot is hot, and what's cold is cold."

This doesn't keep Captain ILL from trying to change the world by grinding evil beneath the Giant Boot of Justice, but he accepts that some evils are beyond his control; like FOX news, long lines at Costco, and Dick Cheney.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Today's ILL of the day is Tri Chetverti Ego Dushi. Captain ILL doesn't read Russian, so he has no idea what this is about, but here is what the Firstsearch record looks like:

Title:	Tri chetverti ego dushi /
Author(s):	Abdullaev, Chingiz.
Publication:	Moskva : AST : Astrel’,
Year:	2005
Description:	285 p. ; 21 cm.
Language:	Russian
Series:	Angel boli; Drongo;
Accession No:	OCLC: 60820362
Standard No:	ISBN: 5170287240; 9785170287246
Responsibility:	Chingiz Abdullaev.
Material Type:	Fiction (fic)
Document Type:	Book
Entry:	20050707
Update:	20070303
Database:	WorldCat

Interlibrary Loan of the day

There is a long tradition among the superhero community of having a butler to take care of those day-to-day annoyances that superheroes don't have time for like cooking, vacuuming, and performing emergency surgery. Butlers like Alfred and Jarvis are justifiably famous, but no butler is greater than Jeeves. Jeeves (actually a valet and not a butler at all, though the difference is not noticeable to Americans) is practically a superhero in his own right, with a superior brain (because of all the fish he eats) able to solve any problem, right any wrong, and prepare the ultimate hangover cure. Captain ILL feels that P.G. Wodehouse is God's gift to literature, but the Jeeves and Wooster stories stand out. They've got everything that a comic book has, save the pictures. Dashing, but moronic, heroes, nefarious aunts, blighted old blisters with too much money, and even a sidekick with the unlikely name of Cyril "Barmy" Fotheringay-Phipps. To give you an idea of the priceless gems of phraseology contained in these books, here's a short exchange between Jeeves and his master:

"Jeeves, I'm engaged."
"I hope you will be very happy, sir."
"Don't be an ass. I'm engaged to Miss Bassett."

If you can resist reading these books after that, then you are "a brainless poop who ought to be given a scholarship at some lunatic asylum".

Interlibrary Loan of last Thursday

While the superheroes union strictly forbids carrying guns, Captain ILL understands that many persons who are not able to shoot lasers out of their eyeballs do carry firearms. In fact, according to the back cover of Stayin' Alive: Armed and Female In an Unsafe World, 27% of American women keep a gun in their home. The Captain isn't really qualified to take a stand on this issue since bullets tend to bounce off his skin, and the aforementioned laser beams, however he is getting tired of mending the bullet holes in his costume all the time. Captain ILL doesn't have a very big crimefighting budget, so he can't afford one of those fancy costumes made up of unstable molecules, so at the end of a hard day of booting evil, his costume often looks like a superhero-shaped swiss cheese. So ladies, please make sure you don't exercise your right to bear arms on dashing superheroes with poor sewing skills.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL is a big fan of blue jeans even if he's not allowed to wear them to work (superheroes are required to wear tights, and while the Captin is no fashion expert, he knows that form-fitting jeans are best reserved for women). However, he does wear jeans in his secret identity, though his days of wear green Toughskins are far behind him. There aren't any Toughskins in Vintage Denim, but there's all sorts of other denim related stuff, such as price lists that include a $4,588 pair of vintage Lee Cowboy: buckle-back jeans. Can you imagine what a pair of green Toughskins sized for an 8 year old boy would bring? Probably quite a lot since there don't even seem to be any on ebay. Jeans are practical, rugged, and comfortable, but the best thing about jeans is that they are so damn cool.

Heromachine

No doubt there are many young mutants out there looking to break into the superhero field. One of the biggest problems for new heroes is coming up with the right "look". For help with this, you might want to check out Heromachine. This nifty little tool, while lacking the sophistication of Meez, is geared more towards a superheroic audience. Check it out.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL is no stranger to failure, though he prefers to keep them on the down low. Unfortunately, the failures of superheroes, like the failures in The Book of Heroic Failures are so great and earthshattering that they often end up in the news. Here's a timely example:

The Least Successful Firework

The most unsuccessful firework so far ignited was the "Fat Man" Roman candle perfected in 1975 by Mr George Plimpton of New York. It weighed 720 pounds, was forty inches long and was developed to break the record for the most spectacular firework ever. It succeeded admirably. Lighting it, Mr Plimpton confidently predicted that it would reach an altitude in excess of 3,000 feet. Instead of this, however, it hissed, whistled and blew a ten-foot crater in the earth.

Captain ILL prefers to avoid explosives and sticks to laser beams shot out of his eyeballs when something needs to be blown up.