Captain ILL is well acquainted with the playground shenanigans of boys. Before he was abducted by aliens and given superpowers, Captain ILL was the victim of many a bully's fist on the playground. He had the unfortunate habit of always getting in fights with bigger boys, and it was only much later that he deduced a connection between a boy's size and his bully index. The Captain was informed only yesterday, that ten year old girls can be just as cruel as ten year old boys, and the ILL of the day today confirms this. From the back cover: "Kristy and her family live in a new neighborhood. The kids there aren't very friendly. In fact, they're ... well, snobs. They criticize Kristy's clothes. They make fun of the Baby-sitters Club. And worst of all, they laugh at Louie, Kristy's pet collie, who's going blind. Nobody does that and gets away with it!" Captain ILL sympathizes with Kristy. When he was a young Captain he once shot a boy in the arm with a BB gun after that boy kicked Sadie, the Captain's aged mutt. Since then, Captain ILL has learned that BB guns are not the answer (especially after the Sheriff came and confiscated it). Besides, in the Captain's experience, bullies learn better from a good booting.
6 comments:
This has nothing to do with snobs, but the mention of BB guns reminds me of a kid that lived on my block and I hung out with as a young person. He once had a front tooth shot out by a BB gun (not from me however). He's back in the news again recently. Check it out. I don't know if there's a connection between that incident and the fact that he turned out to be a psychopath but one never knows.
http://www.kirotv.com/news/18028472/detail.html
Are you implying that the only thing that keeps us all from becoming a mob of raving lunatics is our front teeth? Captain ILL's niece, Sweet Pea, is currently missing her front teeth; hopefully she will grow new ones before the lunacy sets in.
Not to worry, Captain. There's no doubt in my mind that anyone in the ILL family tree is genetically programmed to live a life in which justice and the booting of evil are central themes.
When I was 5 I got my front teeth knocked out by a stray baseball. They didn't grow back for 3 years. I must be very lucky to not have grown up to be a psychopath! Though I may have been strange during that 3 year period.
Aw shucks Bowlingjoe, that's a mighty fine compliment for a humble booter of evil like The Captain. Hopefully Sweet Pea will grow up to be an even greater booter of evil than her uncle.
In other family news, Sweet Pea's two year old brother has agreed to become a doctor when he grows up, so in another two or three decades Captain ILL will finally be able to get free medical treatment for all the wounds he acquires in the line of duty.
Thanks for the anecdote Thegambler. It can serve as a warning for all the five year olds out there to avoid baseballs.
Didn't you find it was worth it to go without front teeth for three years to be able to sing that Christmas song? "All I want for Christmas ..."
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