Interlibrary Loan of the day

Vampire: A Sensual Romance Novella is not the only romantic vampire book Captain ILL has seen come across the ILL desk. The Captain has fought several vampires in his superheroing career, and he has trouble understanding what the attraction is. Vampires are essentially walking corpses who feed on human blood, and booting one can only be described as "icky". Perhaps the whole "bad boy" image accounts for some of the fascination, but, as much as Captain ILL hates to admit it, any woman interested in a bad boy would be better served by an evil genius than a walking corpse. There don't seem to be any romance novels dealing with mad scientists though; probably the maniacal cackling is a turn-off. There is a huge ILL market for romance novels about doctors though, especially if they happen to be from Texas. If some enterprising romance author out there invented a character who was a gifted surgeon during the week, a cowboy on the weekends, but who is also secretly a vampire, they'd have a certain best-seller.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL is not too fond of thinking. Too many of the world's problems can be traced to too much thought, especially the evil genius sort. The Captain always says that a well placed boot can solve a problem much more quickly and efficiently than hours and hours of messy, repetitive thinking. Smart Thinking "is a practical, step-by-step guide to improving skills in analysis and critical thinking, and the effective communication of arguments and explanations." What a mouthful! Captain ILL bets that it took a lot of thought to come up with all those big words. Don't read this book! Don't listen to all those rampaging thoughts in your head telling you to check out this book so you can finally be as smart as all your friends. Think less, feel more, and life will reward you.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL has fought all sorts of terrible creatures in his career: bug-eyed monsters from mars, mad scientists, Dick Cheney; but none have brought a chill to his heart like the time he was surrounded by a dozen ninja librarians. All masters of shush-fu, with razor sharp shuriken hidden in their hair buns, the Captain was ambushed late one evening while searching for a book about proper boot maintenance. Those ninja librarians were tough customers, and beat Captain ILL to within an inch of his life before depositing him outside the front door. The Captain learned a valuable lesson that night: when the lights flash in the library, it means it's closing time and you'd better head for the door before the ninja librarians come out to teach you their lesson in promptness.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Mythbusters: The Explosive Truth Behind 30 of the Most Perplexing Urban Legends of All Time is a pretty self descriptive title. One of the legends these gentlemen bust bears further examination though, since it was the central element in a plot by Professor Perfidy to hold the entire borough of Manhattan for ransom. Professor Perfidy isn't actually a professor of anything, and it turns out that his science is a bit shaky. So when he cooked up the idea to build a "Penny Dropping Doomsday Device" on the top of the Empire State Building capable of launching millions of pennies across Manhattan, he didn't bother to conduct any experiments first, or even do any math. So there he was up there on the observation deck with a dozen henchmen and and the PDDD filled with about $60,000 worth of pennies, demanding equal rights for insects and the right to yell "fire!" in a crowded movie theater. Captain ILL was all ready to go up there and do some evil booting when a quick thinking bystander pointed out that a penny dropped from the top the the Empire State Building not only wouldn't kill anyone, but it might, in fact, give them a bit of good luck. When this was pointed out to Professor Perfidy, he surrendered without a fuss; no doubt he was much too embarassed to put up a struggle at that point.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

The Origins of Christmas is a book that answers important questions like: "When was Christmas first celebrated?" and "How did December 25th become its date?". There doesn't seem to be much about Santa Claus in this book, which is very disappointing to Captain ILL as he is a big fan of Mr. Claus. Knowing this, you can imagine how honored he was to get a call a number of years back in late December from a very ill Santa. He had come down with a particularly debilitating virus, and could barely summon the strength to beg Captain ILL to take over his duties on Christmas Eve. Of course the Captain already had plans but you don't say no to Santa, so he packed a bag and caught the next reindeer to the North Pole. What a place! Snow, toys, elves, reindeer - everything you would expect and more. There was barely time to learn how to pilot the sleigh before taking off for the south. Captain ILL doesn't remember much about that night, between the breakneck speed of the trip, and the bottle of whiskey he found under the seat. Luckily the reindeer knew the route, and most of the presents ended up where they belonged. However, if you remember a Christmas several years ago when you got a bag of turnips instead of a Barbie Doll, don't blame Santa Claus; Captain ILL is very sorry.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Half Human Half Animal is a book about werewolves and similar creatures. Captain ILL has had occasion to work with werewolves, sharkmen, ratmen, and even stranger creatures. Generally these folks have had pretty hard lives due to their strange appearance and, sometimes, craving for human blood. Because of this they often tragically turn to a life of evil and villainy. Of course an accident of birth is no excuse for evil, and the Captain has often had to plant his boot on some poor wolfman to emphasize this point. He always does such evil booting in a very compassionate fashion though, because he is, at heart, a big softie. Of course some creatures are evil through-and-through and undeserving of compassion at all, so Captain ILL is able to unleash the full fury of his righteous booting anger.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL is a big fan of wheat. You can find wheat in all kids of delicious things including: bread, cookies, and Twinkies (you'll have to take the Captain's word on that last one). While Captain ILL is very fond of all the delicious things you can make with wheat, he never thought of it as "amazing", and, unfortunately, this book was not able to alter his opinion. Who ever heard of a cookbook with no pictures in it? This book's single picture appears on the cover, and you can see for yourself how bland that is. The Captain recommends skipping The Amazing Wheat Book and picking up something by the inimitable Betty Crocker instead. She, at least, knows the value of a full-page color picture of a mouthwatering treat.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL usually limits his evil stomping to dry land; when you're undersea, it can be very difficult to get a good stomp going due to water resistance. Unfortunately, evil can be pretty uncooperative, and it's necessary to follow it wherever it may lead. The last time Captain ILL had an adventure under the waves was a couple years ago when he got a call from his old friend Hydrodude. It's a long, complicated story, but suffice it to say that the Captain learned how hard it is to stomp a Carcharodon Carcharias from the inside. Beneath the Seven Seas doesn't really address all the evil creatures living in the oceans, but it does have lots of cool pictures which is almost as good in the Captain's eyes.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

Captain ILL once helped Mr. Brain, a not-quite-evil scientist who's only about half mad, build a rocket ship. They needed to get to Mars in a hurry, so they cut lots of corners on the design and construction. For example, there were none of those cool fins on the sides like you usually see on rockets. Also, none of the instrument panels lit up with nifty glowing buttons. Still, it did get them to Mars, where they were able to rescue Miss Marvelous from the clutches of the Bug Eyed Monsters From Mars. They did run into a bit of trouble on the way back when the rocket ship burnt up upon re-entry into Earth's atmosphere. Fortunately, Miss Marvelous and Captain ILL were able to withstand the extreme temperatures (though their costumes did not, but that's another story). Unfortunately Mr. Brain's superpower was his super-intelligence, and not the ability to withstand several thousand degrees of heat, so he won't be able to learn better rocket ship construction from Model Rocket Design and Construction.

Interlibrary Loan of the day

The Big Bento Box of Unuseless Japanese Inventions is one of the greatest books ever to be interlibrary loaned. This is a book full of "bizarre and logic-defying gadgets and gizmos, which must work but are actually entirely impractical". Some samples include: the Hydrophobe's Bath Body Suit, a giant plastic baggie you can crawl inside before settling in the bathtub. Then there's the Umbrella Drip Collector, a small plastic cup that attaches to the tip of your umbrella to prevent it dripping on the floor. And of course there are the Detachable Tooth Covers so you don't have to brush after every meal. These descriptions simply don't do justice to all the marvelous gadgets in this book. Pick up a copy so you can see these wonderful things in full living color!