Captain ILL was busy shopping for gardening supplies at Fred Meyer yesterday, so he wasn't able to get this report out in a timely manner. He did get a big jug of weed killer, a pair of gloves, and some fancy knee pads though (unlike Superman, the Captain's knees are not invulnerable).
A book like Gunshot Wounds is of interest to anyone in the superheroing business. Captain ILL usually doesn't have to worry about ordinary guns; most bullets just bounce right off him. He does try to stay out of the way of RPGs, tanks, and atomic explosions though. Fortunately the evildoers that Captain ILL usually deals with don't have access to that kind of firepower. Sometimes he wishes that some of his regular supervillains would put a little more thought into their weapons though. For example, The Insidious Carrot has a device that shoots carrots at hypersonic speeds. Sure, they hurt, but being hit with a hypersonic carrot is just embarrassing.
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And then there's The Weedster, who suffers from short-term memory loss. He threatens pretty good, but then his smoked-out synapses short circuit and he forgets what he was talking about. (Shiny objects also distract him.)
Weeds are not to be tolerated! They should be pulled or sprayed with poison! Captain ILL doesn't burn his weeds like this Weedster fellow, so he doesn't have to worry about smoke. He just throws everything in the handy dandy yard waste bin thoughtfully provided (for a modest fee) by the City of Marysville. The Captain seldom forgets what he was talking about, but he's been told that he is sometimes intentionally obtuse ... whatever that means.
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